Empire Mates State of Whine…(Pt. 1)

E.M.E., arguably the hottest camp in the Naija right now,  released their album featuring the power trio ( Wizkid, BankyW and Skales) as well as their two new acts (Shaydee and Niyola). The album can be downloaded exclusively unto your mobile phones using the spinlet app.

***Dear Spinlet, it took us days just to download ur app…my phone wanna hang die. However, its a pretty cool app. well done***

T: Sho, didn’t you delete the app?

S: Yes I did, because it was hanging my phone nah. SYBT hasn’t paid dividends yet. I cant buy iPhone or Samsung S3 😦

T: No worry. One Day

S: Where is this yeye guest reviewer?

T: She is on her way. Ladies and Gentlewomen, we have decided to invite our first female reviewer.

S: SYBT does not discriminate. We believe in gender equality *now wondering if she is going to bring food to the office*

*Door Opens*

T: Welcome to our SYBT office @deolaaa

D:  Hey dearies

S: *extra full frontal hug*

T: Please oga step back, me and D have set this P already

S: Oya Oya. Hunger dey wiire me, Make we start this review

Baddest Boy

T: Nice song, everybody killed…typical Wizkid type

S: This is a proper feel good (pun intended) track. Banky W murked it with his verse. Solid production.

D: I loved this. Banky’s part was the best. Very catchy chorus

S: Once Wizzy start shouting ‘follow me follow me’ I start acting like an Osu babe on twitter

T: Do OSU girls know twitter.

D: Skales was flat, like a valley. Not like he didn’t try, but the 2 mountains- Banky & Wizkid- flattened him

S: Ah! Valley…Mountain…Deola u be rapper ni?

T: LOL

D: LoL. They said Messi…note this. (A lot of Messi’s gon be said on this album. Ok maybe 2)

Get down tonight

S: Nigerian Artists had a convention and said….’If u don’t say six words on a song…u will not chop’. Wizkid was the chairperson at that convention…

T: Really? What are the words?

S: Baby, Girl, Go Down/Get Down/Komole,  Waist, Whine, Body. I will start a count. Do u know many times Wizkid said ‘baby’ on this song?

T: In other words, if we remove ‘baby’ from the song we have no song?

D: The entire album minus baby = no album. I didn’t like this song until Banky’s verse came on. His voice is so fresh.

T: Everything Banky Banky…this was not the plan 😦

D: LOL. Wizkid was basic. His typical style, didn’t hold me down

S: Skales should stop rapping like this…or at all

D: SKALES IS NOT A RAPPER. I was really pissed when he said he is one on Baddest Boyz, like really? Shina Rambo would be pissed. But what happened to Skales? ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ). I had hope for him.

T: What happened to Skales? On his way to get a grammy he branched the EME office and they turned him to a ‘komole’ artist

S: #SYBT blames GEJ for Skales problems

Mr President

D: Sho, pls. GEJ is busy with Brazilian women. He doesn’t give a damn about Skales Grammy Dreams

Baby: 0 Girl: 2  Go Down/Get Down/Go Low: 15  Whine: 4 Waist: 7 Body: 9

Sun Mo mi

S: SHAYDEE on the ‘singoal’ ooo. ┐(‘⌣’┐) (┌’⌣’)┌ ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ┌(˘.˘)ʃ. Omo…I am feeling Skales singing ooo… *azonto* Shaydee muuuuurked this hook

T: I am tired of this beat sha…Ron Browz for don tire sef

S:Oooo na na na na naaaa

D: Shaydee is new & all yeah? But he’s not fresh. I’m sorry, but I kept hearing Wande Coal/Chuddy K. I would skip this song if I wasn’t reviewing it. Didn’t like the beat all

T: I agree…Shaydee sounds like Chuddy K

S: Una no sabi. Me I like Shaydee…. (˘̯˘ ) #TeamShaydee

T: #teamdeola Oh sorry..my bad. I got carried away

Baby: 15 Girl: 8  Go Down/Get Down/Go Low: 1  Whine: 1 Waist: 0 Body: 0

Hate 1

S: But Comedians really do get dry once they get rich *skip*

T: The skit was funny to me

D:  Nope. The skit was funny but my face was straight through out. I must have heard the joke somewhere before or maybe my hatred for the word “haters”

S: *hands skipping ropes to Deola and Tunde*

T: Both of u are just haters then 😐

Roll It

S:  Do u know how many times Wizkid said Roll it?

T: LMAO. Pls when did u become class prefect. Nigerians don’t care..give them beat let dem dance

S: 19times

T: I fux with the jam

S: But what happened to lyrics na…Banky’s verse was sweet, catchy and ideal. Just write some damn words down

D: Roll it oh, roll it

S: I fux with Banky’s verse…but I can’t even form I dey beremole for the hook die!!! Wizkid get jazz 😐

D: Let me say it again… Roll it oh, roll it

T: Oshay!! Roll it for me pls. Sho close your eyes

S: Deola wey no get yansh. She can roll her laps noni

D: *wears butt pad* then *booty claps*

T: Please we are here to work. Thank you in advance

D: Sho, that’s why you ain’t getting none.

S: Shalams

Baby: 6 Girl: 6  Go Down/Get Down/Go Low: 10 Whine: 2 Waist: 0 Body: 0

Find My Trouble

D: Sho, you’re now in my friend’s zone.

S: *plays with a yo-yo there* Banky W >>>>>>>

T: I found this song boring

S: #TeamShaydeeeeee. He sha sounded like Wande coal on this small X_X

D: LOL! Good song, good beat. They said messi again (2^nd time)

S: T found it boring cos they didn’t say baby 200times shey. U r a pakuromo child of God

T: Wizkid >>>Banky

D: *files nails* I hate lyrics that insult my intelligence. What’s “all the good girls go to school, bad girls come to my room”. DPMO 😐

S: Whiskey >>> Wizkid

***no word count here, My phone dey hang die for this song***

Body

T: Please don’t tell me you counted how many times he said ‘body’

S: Sorry…I will tell. He bodied ‘body’ …(Emi rapper numba won )

D: LMAO! Now that Sho has made me start noticing how many times ‘body’ was said here, sigh!

T: A good song nevertheless

D: Wizkid is the one that needs to TRY to rap for a change. I’m tired of Wizkid’s AfroReggae style. *Yawns*

S: Good song kini. This song does nothing for me. Epitome of absolutely nothing

D: I don’t like it at all

S: Tunde is a Wizkid groupie. He also thinks Justin Bieber is better than Usher….

D: ROTFLMAO!!!! That’s why Tunde won’t leave my Friend zone. Bielieber oshi

S:  Wait! Me and Tunde are in the friendzone now? Tunde…please, I will take the top bunk

T: 😐

Baby: 2 Girl: 7  Go Down/Get Down/Go Low: 0  Whine: 0 Waist: 0 Body: 17

Ko Mo Le

T: Skales if you ever get to read this, this is your best song. Stop rapping immediately

S: My BEST SONG!!!!!

D: Ko Mole?  Skales needs to STOP!!!!!! This is just so sad.

S: I swear…I don’t care if the hook is repetitive or he stole it from Adey’s ‘beremole’….but this song makes me stupidly happy

D: Skales needs to follow me to Ijebu

T: D…Skales doesn’t want to rap anymore

S: He wants to do this!!!!  ┐(‘⌣’┐) (┌’⌣’)┌ ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ┌(˘.˘)ʃ.

D: You people should not even piss me OFF.

S: SARZ is a demon for the drums on the hook. At least Skales bites writes. His songs arent that empty. He knows his strengths.ƪ(˘.˘)ʃ

Baby: 26 Girl: 5  Go Down/Get Down/Go Low: 17 Whine: 0 Waist: 0 Body: 0

Dance

D: Dance is MY FUCKING JAM!!!!!!!!!! I love Dance! I breathe Dance!

T: Can u show us dance moves?

D: Dance it is.. Murdered, skinned & cooked to perfection.

T: E don do..we understand

S: U re just a shalams for Banky

D: “You got millions? I got billions” «—— reminds me of the first time Dangi bobo (aka Dangote) asked me out

S: Best thing (and only thing) about this song is Banky’s 2nd verse

T: Production…Banky verse, X. O..perfect

S: How is this perfect?  XO’s verse was ehhhn *scratching head*

T: Sho you are deaf

D: Oya i am calm now…Tunde how is this perfect?

S; Help me ask him oo

D: If I talk, XO will sub me on twitter 😐

T: LMAO

S: I am done with this word count ish.

T: We got the point since u did it the first time. *wizkid voice* eeee yeye boi

Don’t Go There

S: I love the hook. I liked that her song was slightly different from how the boys have been singing. She didn’t go and do an ‘Oma Ga’ ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

T: Niyola can sing no doubt but this is a boring song..I’m not playing it again

S: Of cos its boring…*points at redundant word counter*

D: I think someone needs to press Niyola small.

S: ???? LOL Press?

D: Yes, rub her small. Good beat, lovely voice but Niyola doesn’t have that ‘ummph’. Imagine Tiwa Savage on this track with all her sexy, bedroomish voice & the ‘huh’.

S: ^_^

D: It would have transformed the song from church music to that you wanna strip to…

T: *takes notes* oo soo she strips

London Girl

T: 😦

S: London Girl? Ehhh…so Wizzy no get wetin to sing about again. E don do Gidi girl. I guess na to do song for every city/country for this world remain…

D: Sigh! London girl is a song I wanna take paracetamol for & I wanna stuff cottonwool down Wizkid’s throat, anything to make him stop chanting London girl. Must he over-repeat words?

S: Tunde likes it. Tunde likes when people repeat words at him. U see eh…Tunde is 88years old. Tunde is 80% deaf

D: Sho STOP. You think I don’t know all these? Stop reminding me pls!

T: Please London girl is a tune..forget the recycled beats and the lyrics

S: See what I am saying

D: I  love Tunde and his deafness. His hearing aid is being made by Dr Dre

S: Hahhahahahahaha

Hate 2

D:  Hate II is FUNNY!!!!! I do this a lot.

T: Funnier than the first one

Dance For Me

D:  Can’t Wizkid do another thing? *skips*

S:  I know I said I don’t like pakuromo songs….but Dance for me ehhh

T: My best song on this album!!!!

D: Wait Sho, you like ‘Dance for me’ ? :s

S: This song makes me lose all my dignity…I dey scatter yansh like cheap ashawo for this song. this is a JAMMAHJAM

T: *music* dance for baby oway!! Give it to me baby oway! *music* \(‘-‘\) (/’-‘)/

S: This song dey make me no get sense. eee dey make me mental. When Sarz messes up the beat at the end ehh *hoff pata and disgraces self up and down the room*

e too make sense.

D: You people are high! Pls!

S: Ooooo ya weeyreyy weeeyreey ki ya ma saa

T: ┐(‘⌣’┐) (┌’⌣’)┌ ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ┌(˘.˘)ʃ

D: You people should meet me on the next track when you’re done 😐

Follow Go House

S: Skales is officially a singer to me now. Gimme an album with Skales singing and Sarz on the beat and I will be very happy

T: The only non-dance track on this album for far…

S: Nominee for Best Song on the Album

T: Top R&B

S: You can’t tell me Shaydee no sabi sing oooo. If them turn shaydee into a komole artist…I won’t be impressed

T: Too late. He is already on the label

S: 😦

D:  I love the passion with which Skales sang on this track. Good voice, I can now connect him to BankyW now

***Phone Rings***

S: Hello

D: Who is Sho talking to?

T: I have no idea

***5 mins later***

T: Who was that?

S: That was Chico Ejiro. He says we should stop here and release PART II of this review later. 22 tracks ain’t easy …i am very hungry and all this dance dance don tire me.

*gets up and leaves*

D: WTF!!!!!

T: ROTFLMFAO

D: 😐

PART II of the review comes out tomorrow….PEACE